Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Chomp! bloody Chomp!

I was at a foodcourt in Century Square the other day with the mother when I was distracted by the incriminating "chomp chomp" noise of someone chewing their food with their mouth open. When I looked over to give a bus-face, I found the culprit staring right back at me from the next table! THE NERVE! Oredy disrupt me and me mum's gossip session with her incessant noisy chewing, still can eavesdrop some more! It was then that the stereo sound surround kicked in... Her children and husband were chewing in sync! MOUTH OPEN! Well its not surprising, since apples don't fall far from the tree do they? But stereo sound, i kid you not.

I'll admit there are few things in life that bug the living shit outta me and public display of open-mouth-chewing is one of them. I had an ex, let's call him Moe. We met at a popular disco, hooked up, regularly met up for late night trysts the 1st few weeks into our relationship. When we finally had a proper bgr movie/dinner date, I was aghast. Yes, i use the word aghast. The fella was chewing with his jaw just gaping open with every bite lah! He was literally the poster-boy for a "DON"T CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN" ad. Not only that, he looked around whilst chewing! That was an almost symphonic display of multitasking by a mere male if i ever saw one. I report that the blasted bugger did it throughout the entire dinner. Luckily for me, it was a quick one. Dinner, i meant.

"Why me?" I asked my Target Twin BW, all I want is to not be grossed out while having my meal. Is that too damn much to ask? "Its your arse luck lah, gurl"came the reply. Yes, I'll admit I am the Reigning Queen of Arse Luck. Bow your heads and hold me in reverence. I've heard it can be pretty contagious, so please consult your pediatrician for the appropriate vaccinations.

So please, if you feel a draught billowing against your tongue while you're having rosti and sausages, its time for a refresher course in Table Manners 101. I beg you, don't gross out innocent bystanders with your nasty eating habits. Close your mouth while you chew your food. This message has been brought to you by a public health awareness program. Thank you.


Blogger brendywendy said...


u finally posted it!

so the funny lah u.

and my reply was not just, "it's your arse luck." I also told u it is retribution cuz of the many many times u made fun of people who chew with their mouth open.

cool counter by the way. glad u finally got around to fixing it on your blog. maybe i shud change mine too.

12:18 am  

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